Most of us have been through this situation: we meet someone online and start a quick back and forth game of e-mail tag. After a few exchanges, you agree to meet them for a date, committing some time and money on them since you find the other attractive, fun, and may very well spend a great deal of time together. You go meet them only to see that they are not as fun or attractive as promoted. Well, that’s how it was for me and Naughty Bear by 505 Games.

I truly wanted to find something ‘fun’ about naughty Bear which warrants extended game play, but I simply couldn’t find it. I won’t say it’s a horrible game, but I’d place a huge warning label on the cover: “DO NOT BUY”! I’d like to think I know my game-playing brethrens well enough to know what games you guys may or may not like. I can promise you that Naughty Bear is not worth your time and, most importantly, you money.

The game is broken up into three worlds with. The missions ask you to kill everyone and destroy everything, which can be done with your bare hands (get it? ‘Bare’ hands? I’m hilarious.) Machetes, guns, clubs, and katana blades are just some of the weapons you can use. Sadly, when you slash and hack a bear enough to activate the cinematic “super kill”, it gives you a half-assed kill not even worthy of being called a finisher. Any of us, if asked to create a ‘super kill’ with a katana blade, would have come up with some extremely awesome scene involving heads and limbs being chopped off ala Kill Bill. 505 Games, instead, opted for a very uninspired two-slash move leaving its victim intact.

 The camera is broken in every sense of the word. Right from the beginning, I was getting nauseous from constantly trying to center it and found out that I can’t lock on to anything. Haven’t game designers figured out that if you are going to have players interact with objects in a 3D environment that it may be somewhat crucial to add a ‘lock-on’ button? I could only shake my head in disgust.

The simple rule is this: if you are going to create a game in which the sole purpose is to exact your unmerciful revenge on a community of toy bears who run for mayor, dress up as ninjas, and call other bears dressed as Keystone Kops to arrive by speedboat and unload their revolver (I’m not kidding about that, by the way) into your side, then go all the way with it.

Naughty Bear should be avoided at all costs. 505 Games, stick with Cooking Mama. Although I admire your attempt at game tailored after Happy Tree Friends, it failed miserably. If Naughty Bear was hunted down by poachers, I wouldn’t stop ‘em. Good riddance.

On the Plus Side – The title screen reminded me a lot of Kirby: Epic Yarn. Sad when the only good thing about your game is how it reminds you of games that you actually want to play.

On the Negative Side –

-broken camera

-redundant missions

-annoying voice over narration

-game play is boring and uninspired